Deadpool; I love you and your Crocks

Watching the film is like sitting at dinner with a teenager who believes that, if he swears long and loudly enough, he will shock the grownups into accepting him as one of their own. – Anthony Lane

You know what Mr Lane? I’m happy you feel this way, I’m happy that the vulgar language and progression of the movie leaves you feeling this way. It simply means that Miller, Reynolds and the entire production crew did a good job!

This is the beginning of the Cinematic Universe surrounding Wade Wilson; Marvel’s X-Men anti-hero, the constant smartass of the entire universe, the one character that gets away with breaking the 4th wall, poking fun at every other character and their creators.

I mean this is a character who began by losing his Mother to cancer, then losing his, albeit abusive, Father at the hands of one of his friends at a night club. He then joins the military and becomes a super soldier with mad skills which leads him to become a mercenary after his services ends.

As if to end the story with a nice happily ever after, he meets Vanessa, the love of his life. The woman to which he dreams of a more beautiful and simple life, only to have that ripped away by finding out he’s riddled with multiple terminal cancers!

He then walks out on his one true love to the shady Government Department K and their even shadier Weapon X program (of Wolverine fame) in hopes that they can cure his cancer. Unbeknownst to him he’s only chance at survival is to be subjected to deranged experiments by the bat shit crazy Dr Killebrew and even crazier Ajax which ultimately activates his mutant gene giving him super doper healing powers and heightened reflexes and senses – at the cost of deeply scarring and disfiguring his entire body resulting in him looking like “Freddy Kruger fucked a topographical map of Idaho.”

Knowing all of this (plus some more crap you can read about Wade by yourself), plus knowing that Miller and Reynolds are actually fans of this character AND knowing that they used public outcry to beg 20th Century Fox to make the damn thing you can see how the movie that was made was the movie that had to be made.

Now, I’d say the fact that this movie, as at the 4th April, before the DVD and BluRay release, made a total of $750 million worldwide at the box office the people who wanted this movie, got it.

A little maths if you’d indulge me; using my teeny tiny Hello Kitty calculator I estimate that this movie was seen by 30 million people (taking the average price of a movie ticket as $25) – now I know that I make up 5 of those people because I watched it multiple times on the silver screen, but still… holy hot damn. It’s the most successful R-Rated movie ever.

So in closing really quick, if you’re looking at the trailers of this movie, or any type of online press it’s had or having and you think to yourself, “Dear Lord Judith, avert your ears to this filth and debauchery” good, job done. It’s like you putting your feet in a pair of shoes and saying “Now, my feet are protected from the elements and those tiny sharp pebbles in the car park.” They’re doing what they’re supposed to.

So to those dumbass parents out there calling for 20th Century Fox to make a PG version of the movie so little Johnny can go watch – piss off! Johnny shouldn’t know anything about Deadpool as he’s not and never will be a character that children should know about; like your anthology of books about one Mr. Christian Grey… make a PG version of that movie why don’t you!

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