This post was born from a realization, a peace found in a simple action. In my last post, or article, I mentioned that I have to now admit that I’m suffering depression and I have some underlying anger management issues that affect all aspects of my life. This, believe it or not was the first time that I’d actually admitted it; aloud or even to myself. I can understand your confusion as to why this is such an important thing, or even noteworthy. As cliché and after school special as it sounds, the first step to solving an issue is admitting that there is one.
After this week with my Son I can see massive differences initially just with how I act and react around him. To anyone with a three-year-old, they’re picking up what I’m putting down! Admittedly, this was my fault, but when I picked him up on Friday night, we were speaking about what we were going to do this weekend and how much fun it was going to be and Daddy mistakenly let out “And we’ll go riding your bike?” – now, for Christmas 2015, I bought him a Yamaha TTR-50 motorbike and all the protective gear – he looks like a boss.
Now that the cat was out of the bag, I sat through countless, and I mean countless “When you’re finished that, we go ride my bike yeah?” from Friday night, through to Sunday lunchtime when we were all along going to ride the bike! That, atop 7:15am wake ups (thank you daylight savings…) would have historically sent me off the deep end; into a snappy rage where anything had the potential to set me off. This is obviously a horrible way to be in front of a three-year-old who’s literally soaking up everything that’s going on in his environment, including his male role model losing bananas over anything and everything.
The change that I saw in myself since admitting that there was a problem was each time he did something that was, let’s be fair, annoying as shit I’d pay attention to the funny part of what he did – he may have stumble on a word, pulled a cute as hell face while saying something or simply gotten distracted mid-sentence and trailed off into quiet of his own accord. I don’t know about him, but it definitely made our time better for me! I found myself laughing at and with him more this weekend than I have in a very long time. For this; I’m glad.
This takes us to last night. Something must’ve happened at school (day care) or it was a big day without a nap; either way, he was a cranky, cranky little man when we got home. We cooked dinner together – a wonderful Chicken Schnitzel and Fried Rice made from scratch with some carrots and cucumber. Throughout the schnitzel making process, more Corn Flake crumbs ended up in his hair than on the chicken fillets – he learnt the words to Michael Jacksons greatest hits and found his love for Sargent Peppers Lonely Hearts Club Band and honestly, never laughed with his Dad more. With a calm, gentle devouring of our amazing cooking, we progressed to a shower and then bed – Tuesday was done.
If simply admitting that there’s an issue and committing to solve it leads to days and weekends like these with my Son; my only regret is not having come to the conclusion earlier.