Firstly, I want to say that with this post and subsequent series of posts, I do not intend to say anything that will ruffle feathers or hurt anyone, however, if you are reading my words and finding yourself to be a little displeased, by all means visit my page all about my feelings toward your offence; https://doesagigabyte.wordpress.com/i-am-offended-by-that/
Now, onward with the post. As none of you know, I’m a single Dad, have been for a little over a year now. Things with my ex are progressive – they have their ups and downs. We have our own parenting styles and values that sometimes clash and now that we’re not together, they clash in a way where we’re not primarily concerned about the others feelings; thus some pretty big fights and annoyances. Through all of that though, not once have I ever really considered posting our issues to the internet; for all to read and experience.
That same sentence cannot, unfortunately be said for the vast majority of single Mothers on my Facebook and undoubtedly yours too. There are millions of forum posts and ‘insta-quotes’ floating around about how shit Men and Fathers are, and how because of the fact they carried the child for 9 months makes them more capable and entitled to the child than the Father – to this I say “Bullshit, you muppet.”
Now – let’s throw some conditions and framing around what I just said before I’m killed. In some cases, the Father of your child is a douche bag – you m’lady have every right to be pissed off. But this cannot be said for every case. It cannot be a one size fits all comment; I am living proof that it cannot be.
When my Son’s Mother and I separated, it was her choice – she had to do what she had to do. It was hard getting over a long-term relationship where you’d already started building your family and your lives together, but hey; Jennifer got over Brad – I moved on. Our custody arrangement couldn’t get any better, 26 weeks each – a clean 50/50 situation. Is that enough? Because we’re in a safe place and I can be totally honest here – no. I long for the day where my Son’s Mother converts to some odd religion that requires her to move off planet and I get to have him 100% of the time. But because no such religion exists (yet), 50/50 is the best I’ll get.
Furthering the plot of this post, I’m not the only Father I know of who wants this – who wants nothing more than to never sleep again and commit the words to the Paw Patrol theme song to memory, like a farmers’ brand on prize cattle. There’s even an entire website and community devoted to support Dads that just want their kids; http://theabf.com.au/
All too often I see Mothers put up these quotes or snide comments about Fathers for no other purpose than to illicit sympathy or praise from random people online. Comments like “Don’t worry about the <insult>, you’re a great Mother and he doesn’t deserve the kids” – I’m sorry, what?! Are you well versed on 100% of the situation; where you there through the relationship and the breakup; are you aware of the amount of times the Father had tried to see the children but failed because it wasn’t okay with her schedule?!? No, you’re a ring-in random Facebook friend that has no idea what you’re talking about but serve to perpetuate the perception on her side of the fence that the Father of her children are worthless.
I think the biggest point of this post is to say to you ladies out there – your childs Father maybe a douche bag, keep it to yourself! Don’t perpetuate your projected feelings into the world. I mean there’s been many times where I’ve wanted to vent my frustration out into the eater, to get some relief, something off my chest – no good will come from this. As your Mum said growing up “If you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”